Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
