I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
