The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
