So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
