You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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