Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
