I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
