we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Too much gin, very little bucket
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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