I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
