pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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