I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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