it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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