I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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