I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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