dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
