1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
