do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
