you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
