I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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