the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
