Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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