he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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