We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
All I want is dick and wine.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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