opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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