oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
