hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i came on her dog
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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