She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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