you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
