wat bout pragnant strippers??
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
