I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
