Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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