Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
