I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
