i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
