She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
