Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
