Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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