last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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