so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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