So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
