Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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