and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
