We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
