Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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