I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
