is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
