So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
