I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
