sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
