So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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