I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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