Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I FOUND THE LEGS
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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