break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
