i just had sex bonerless
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
