Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
