It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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